And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
