Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Randomize
