don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
