Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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