i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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