Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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