So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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