winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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