So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
