you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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