it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
