Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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