i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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