All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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