I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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