you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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