im about as happy as oj after his trial
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
