So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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