I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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