i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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