Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
