wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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