they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
