You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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