I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We have started to decorate penises.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
