i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
