just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
