I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
