i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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