I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
