I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize