my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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