he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
