Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
