even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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