I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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