I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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