Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
