hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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