Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
