I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
