There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When are your genitals available?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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