Me too!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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