he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
