i love accidental penises.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
