New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
