you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
