I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I deserve this hangover.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
