I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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