I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
