What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
