Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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