is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
