I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
