Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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