Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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