Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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