Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
