why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
