a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
jump out the window naked night went bad
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
