oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
