you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize