i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
