Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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