wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
