So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
