I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize