...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
