how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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