billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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