Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
