i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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