my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
