I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
