You're my little dorito
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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