Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize