I'm pants shitting drunk right now
please come you make the beer taste better
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
