Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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