just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
