Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
